joy soaked words

finding my way

Month: June, 2017

Her heart on paper.

This blog is where I pour out what is on my heart. Where I get real with my readers. I am human. I don’t have the best grammar sometimes and I almost always manage to get food on my shirt and don’t realize it till half way through the day. Washing dishes for me is soothing and I love to belt out music when I am home alone. Your mess is more then welcome here, it’s needed here. I invite you to join in my journey as I figure out adultish things. As I learn more and fall more in love with the One who crafted every part of me. How I learn to have agape love.

Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love. The highest kind of love in the Bible. The kind of love that loves you through the mess. Through the pain and through the gross parts of life. It’s truly preferring others, putting them before you. Jesus is agape love, and he wants us to show the same. When is the last time you really listened the clerk at Walmart before grabbing your things and running out the door because you have somewhere else to be? When is the last time you sat down with somebody and heard their story, the deep parts they don’t like to share, and let that change your heart?

I don’t like shallow conversation. I despise it really. I love when people get open with me. Get raw. Transparent. When you tell me your story and you tell it all. You don’t leave out bits and pieces because you are afraid that I am going to judge you. Not at all. I am going to love you even more because of it. Deep heart to hearts are one of my favourite things to do. Three hour lunch dates and life chats over London fogs. Let’s get real. The world tries to tell us to mask our emotions, to push down the hurt. But when you remove the mask, that’s when the real healing begins.

I don’t know if you people watch, but I do every now and then. Sometimes I think about how each one of these people’s stories are very different, yet so beautiful. I look at couples and wonder how they met, what their love story is. I would love to run up to random strangers and ask what their story is. What has happened in their lives to get them to this point. But that is a teeny bit creepy so I won’t. These words are bubbling out of my heart, and sometimes they don’t make sense, but I need to write them out. I am falling more in love with words, and the impact they have on people.

This is me. Welcome to Nat’s ramblings. Her heart on paper. I welcome you in.

Blessings + bear hugs,

Nat

 

Ps. If you want to ever grab coffee (or London fogs) and get real, I would be more then blessed to join you. Let me know.

Rambles

I’ve finished a week of work since I have gotten back. For those of you who read this blog, and don’t know, I am nannying with the same family that I worked for before I left. This week has had a range of emotions, there has been longing, a few tears and plenty of laughter. I came home from CO and wanted nothing more then to be back with him. I didn’t want to go to school in the fall, I didn’t want to start my job and I was missing him more then I thought I would. Long distance sucks. But God is still good. He is still working in both of us. He has called us each where we are right now, and we need to continue to trust in him.

I was watching Emily, the girl I nanny today while she swayed along to worship music that she had put on. God spoke to me and said “This is where I have you” Before I left for YWAM, I took the job of nannying because nothing else was coming and I had already applied for 5 other jobs. I didn’t realize how much of a blessing this family would become to me, I fell in love with the kids and the art of raising one. I left for YWAM, cried when I had to say goodbye to them because I thought it was it. I wasn’t going to see them again. But, God had different plans, as he often does. Side note. Don’t you love when God’s plans are different then yours? Because his are always way better. I was given the chance to come back and nanny for this family again, but I took it to God. I prayed for a long time, that his direction would be clear for me. I took the job, thinking well at least I can go home and have a job. Again. Seriously did not take into consideration how much of a blessing this family would become to me again. It doesn’t take a lot to surprise me as you can see. He is so faithful. Sometimes I forget how faithful he is, and then it hits me in the face. Quite literally sometimes.

I have been catching up with people on and off, and almost everybody I come into contact with says “I was reading your blog.” Wow guys, thanks! I really didn’t think that many people read this, but I have always enjoyed writing them, so I’ll keep it coming for ya all.

Something that God has been teaching me is that he is constantly using me wherever I am. He always has something up his sleeve, his love always blows me away. I love that about him, that he is not a boring God. Not at all. He is a God that loves to surprise people, who loves excitement. His heart just about bursts for you, he loves you so much. If you have not read the book Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge you are seriously missing out my friend. Go buy this book, and grab a highlighter and a notebook. You will not be disappointed.

This blog post is full of rambles, but as it often is. Just what’s on my heart, stuff that is bubbling over for me to write about. Hope you have been encouraged, remember that He is always using you. Even when you are elbow deep in sudsy water, or chasing 4 year olds around a store, he is still using you.

Hugs + blessings,

Nat

I want to be real.

H O M E. “One’s place of residence” as defined in the dictionary. Home is more then just a place to live. It’s where memories are made and laughter is heard. It’s where you feel the most comfortable and cry your hardest. Where your bed can go unmade and clothes can be left all over the place. Where you come in, kick your shoes off and breathe in the familiar scent. Home is a beautiful place. Home is also where the biggest fights happen and you say words that you don’t mean. Home is where your family is.

Coming back from Maz, I left a home in Mexico. I had made that base a home for 5 months of my life. I still consider it home. I laughed my hardest and I cried a lot of tears on the base. Coming home was easier in some ways and harder in others. I expected to have a harder time readjusting to life in Canada, but I fit right back in where I had left. Some of my friendships picked up right where they left off, even though I had missed out on 5 months of their lives. So much can happen in 5 months, yet it seems like nothing has changed.

I am sitting in a coffee shop, wishing I was at Allergos (Fellow YWAMer’s know). There is no beach across the road from my home here in Canada, only wide open fields. There is no loud mariachi band at night, only coyotes howling. No more cat-calling, because people are all looking down at their phones.

That’s a topic I have wanted to talk about, is how our society is so caught up in “us” I can’t go to a restaurant without seeing an entire family out for dinner and all on their phones. Walking down the street, not even looking where they are going because checking their Instagram is more important then watching out for cars. Where is this going? When is the last time you went out with a friend and left your phone in the car because you want to soak up every bit of your time with them? I am guilty of this too. Something that I am working on though. People are becoming so obsessed with themselves and putting on the perfect image and not letting people in. To see the real them.

I want to be real with the readers of this blog. I am human. I fart. Sometimes in public. I drop things and I break plates. Cups. Bowls. I have yet to break my phone yet. I hate olives. I burp. Then I laugh cause I burped so loud. I sing off key and as loud as I can when I drive by myself. I try and smile at random strangers cause it always brightens my day when somebody random smiles at me. I have a deep appreciation for good coffee. I love early mornings, even though if I sleep in, I sleep in till 12. Sometimes I argue with Jesus. I have frizzy hair, especially when it rains. Learning to accept the curls and the random straight pieces that my hair has. I am not perfect. I like to look at myself as a beautiful mess. I will never be perfect. I mess up. But so do you. Only Jesus is perfect, and yet he died for us to take our sins, to make us white as the whitest snow fall. Even whiter then the whitest snow fall.

I wanted to say sorry, if I have ever brushed you off because I have been on my phone. If I have appeared all put together to you, forgive me. I want to be real. I also want you to be real with me. Your realness is more then welcome here. It’s needed here. Let’s get down to the depths of our hearts, where we hide sin. Sadness. Let Jesus get in there and allow him to work.

Blessings + Extra extra extra tight hugs cause I miss you,

Nat