growing pains

I’ve got a cup of milo to warm my hands, I am surrounded by journals and books and lists, I have things half packed all over my room and I am sitting at my favourite spot in all of my room.

I am trying to prepare myself physically, but also mentally to pick my life up and move an hour away, where I know a total of about 3 people. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am moving to University, something that I am dreading. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it’s completely new to me. Maybe it’s because it’s one of those first steps from moving away from home for good. Trying to trust God and allow him to speak peace into this uneasy heart has not been a walk in the park. Somedays, I grab my journal and scribble all my feelings down about this life change. Others, it’s 3 or 4 cups of coffee because I couldn’t sleep the night before because my mind just wouldn’t shut off. In all seasons, I want to praise God for what he is doing, even when it seems like life is stagnant. I am learning how to shout my praises when I know that God is always working behind the scenes. I am learning how to whisper my praises when life is falling apart but I am loved by a God who always has it all together.

There would never be any growth if we didn’t have hardships. If there wasn’t moments where you sank to the floor in tears because you just can’t do it anymore. If there wasn’t moments where you throw your hands up and say, God I’m done. It’s all yours. There wouldn’t be growth if we were not put in places that tested our faith, pushed us to the edge and made us really seek out why we believe in a God who we can not see. These moments are hard. There is so much growth when we walk out the other side saying, I know I could’t have done that without you Papa, thank you for always holding my hand.

I realize the more I seek out Jesus every single day, I am wrecked by his love for me. He brings us through these trials because he wants us to grow. We are simply a piece of metal until he puts us through the fire, knowing that he can create beauty, but it must be refined.

I often take out old notebooks that I have filled with dreams, heartaches and prayers. I can see the growth, simply in that. He is continually refining me, through the trials I know he never leaves.

For me, moving away is a trial I am going to face. I also can tell you that I am not going to walk this journey alone, I have my Father walking every step with me.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat