learning

I just wrote one of these. A blog/ where Nat just pours out her heart thing. But actually guys, Jesus is continually speaking, softly and I don’t always want to listen. Sometimes I sit there and argue with Jesus about what he is trying to talk to me about. Sometimes there are tears. But I’m always humbled by his love for me. I stand humbled by Him. I’m being real with all ya all. Being here at university, it’s exactly where I need to be. Being where God wants you to be has to be the best kind of peace ever. I fought before coming here though. I looked at all my different possibilities, I wanted to go back to YWAM, I wanted to take another year off, I looked at transferring, I looked at jobs instead of being excited for being at school. I wasn’t excited, there was times where I thought I was excited, but it was mostly dread. I dreaded everything. Now that I am here, I can’t believe that I wasn’t excited for this. I missed out on so much that He was speaking to me, because I was worried about what people were going to think of me. How I was going to get the grades I need to stay and do well. How I was going to make friends. Who was going to be in my dorm. Fears that were not from Him, but rather somebody who has lost all power because Jesus won that fight. He has won. There is no fear in Jesus. No fear. I am learning how to be all here. Fully here. I am trying to make friends. I am trying to make a lasting impact because I want His love to shine through me. I have seen more then enough to prove that there really is a God out there. I’ve seen people healed, people completely transformed. I’ve been transformed.

I think that when you are where God wants you and has you, is an incredibly special place. It’s even more special when you don’t want to be there, because thats when the most growth happens. It’s where you throw up your hands and surrender all, because you don’t know where to turn next. It’s where you learn what it means to fully trust, and also where you feel His love like you never have before. For me? University is honestly the last place I want to be right now. I am growing like crazy, being stretched and I am learning what it means to fully surrender my dreams. He is continually growing me and showing me, I can’t wait to see what he has next for me. God, you are so incredible. Show me more of your heart. More of you Papa, that’s all I want.

Blessings + Extra tight bear hugs,

Nat