I said goodbye.

by joy soaked words

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” CS. Lewis.

I was vulnerable. He was vulnerable. We both put our hearts out there and it was the greatest adventure of my life. We loved. We cried and we laughed. We trusted. FaceTime calls. Late night talks. Flying to another country to spend time with each other. Four of the best months of my life. Four of the hardest too.

We gave it everything we had. I wouldn’t change one thing about these last four months. Not one. But God has different plans in mind. He is calling us to different things, and it is incredibly selfish for both of us to hang on when we know that God is calling us to different things, different adventures. It was the most loving thing we could for each other was to let go.

These past four months have given me a glimpse of what it means for Christ to pursue His Church. Merely a glimpse. That is an un relentless love.

The Father is so close, He is closer to the wind on my skin. I want more. More of him. He needs to be my first love, forever.

We said our goodbyes. Prayers upon prayers, and we both came to a conclusion, that it was time to say goodbye. The hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to say, but a goodbye that was filled with The Father’s peace.

I thought and prayed about how to say this. Where and even if I should say it. I felt like this blog was the best place to, it’s where I’ve opened up my heart again and again.

Blessings and tear soaked hugs,

Nat