joy soaked words

finding my way

Month: October, 2017

relentless love

This past week has been one for the books.

Tears.

Lots of tears.

I was texting one of my friends and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I was surviving, and she’s like no nat, you are thriving. You are thriving. Those words hit me straight in the heart.

I also have been given glimpses of God’s love for me. Small little glimpses into his relentless love for me.

I don’t know if you have listened to the song reckless love by bethel yet, but gosh you need to.

There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
No lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me

This is the chorus, and whenever I listen to this song I can just imagine Jesus crashing through walls, and when I say crashing I mean crashing. I imagine him taking out a wall that stands in between him and I, all while yelling at the top of his lungs “I LOVE YOU NATALIE, I LOVE YOU.  I picture him scaling a mountain, taking the mountain in 3 steps just to get to me. I have this incredibly powerful image of this love that takes down anything in it’s path because he loves me. BECAUSE HE LOVES ME.

I also don’t know if you have ever read the book “beautiful outlaw” by John Eldredge, but this book changed the way I look at Jesus. One of my most favourite quotes is this.

“He is the playfulness of creation, scandal and utter goodness, the generosity of the ocean and the ferocity of a thunderstorm; he is cunning as a snake and gentle as a whisper; the gladness of sunshine and the humility of a thirty-mile walk by foot on a dirt road.”

This is a beautiful way of describing Jesus. He loves people with passion. He healed with love in his voice. I imagine him walking around with a smile on his face, just thinking how many people don’t realize how much their lives are about to be changed. I can only imagine how excited he was to be doing the work his Father had put him on the earth to do.

He is everything I need.

Everything I want.

pour out nat, so I can fill you up. Words he keeps whispering in my ear.

If you need me this week, I’ll be baking bread. Studying in the library. Finding out more about my creator and his love for me. Drinking coffee. I will definitely be drinking coffee.

Until next time I open wordpress,

Hugs and blessings,

Nat

I’ll be praising.

Singleness.

Heartbreak.

When you put yourself out there, heart open and you say yes. You say yes to not knowing if things will work out. You say yes to the laughter that comes, and the tears that follow. You say yes to the crazy adventure of doing life with somebody else. You say yes.

And sometimes that person was meant to love somebody else. They were meant to grow old with somebody else, laugh till 2am with somebody else. And that’s okay. I don’t want to tell you that he has someone else out there for you, because I don’t know. He never promises us marriage, but rather it’s a beautiful gift, straight from him. Above I want Jesus. I want His heart. I want him to consume my every being.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married. I want to be married one day. I want to travel to Peru, and own a dog. I want kids. I want to own a coffee shop and go to culinary school. I want to live in an apartment and buy a house. But these things will not bring me contentment, as much I try to make them. I can’t find my joy in worldly things, but rather I know that I can only find my joy in The Father alone.

I’ve called it a season of waiting, but now I’m calling it a season of praising. I know. It sucks. Being single. I hear you all single people, desperate for somebody to love you. I get you. The world says relationships. Sex. They say you will find your fulfillment in the perfect one. Go find somebody who makes you happy. Even better if they have money. Jesus says wait on me. He says, I never promised you marriage, it’s a gift from me. A good gift. Wait on me.

I am praising The Father because this past month has been one of growth. I am not going to sit around waiting for the next exciting thing to happen, because this season is one of growth. One of praising. Seeking. Laughter and joy. This season also has tears. It has moments of humbling yourself before Your Father. It’s a season of Him filling me up, so I can pour out. “pour out nat, so I can fill you up again.” It’s a season. One that will pass. For now, I’m not waiting. I’m praising.

I know that there are so many adventures out there.

I know that there are so many opportunities to pour out.

I know that singleness sucks.

I know that watching your friends get engaged while you are healing from a breakup sucks.

I know that The Father is good.

I know that he lavishes his love on us.

I know that he loves to give good gifts to His Children.

I know that I can not and will not find my worth in a guy.

I know that I can only find my worth in Christ. My first love.

If you need me, I’ll be praising My father over blueberry waffles drenched in maple syrup. I’ll be praising My Father over textbooks and midterms. I’ll be praising him in this season of growth. I’ll be praising him while I rock out to worship music at red lights. If you need me, I’ll be praising My Father.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat

slow down.

Slow down.

Life is flying past you and you haven’t even taken the time to look up from your phone to watch.

Slow down.

When is the last time you sat down with your coffee in a mug, still hot?

Slow down.

When did life become a race?

Won’t you slow down?

I want to hang onto every laugh that echoes through this house, every tear that drips down my cheeks.

A couple of days ago I left my dorm to write two midterms, back to back. I left my phone, and my study notes, knowing I did all that I could do to prepare myself. I finished my first midterm early, so like all the other students hurrying to get into the hall to ask their friends how it went, I did the same. But instead of comparing answers, I went and sat on a bench outside the room where I would be writing my next midterm. I had about 20 minutes to wait, so I sat there for a bit and then I started to get bored. I found myself reaching for my phone when I didn’t even have it on me. I even thought about going back to my dorm to get it, but instead I stayed.

These past couple of days have been incredibly healing for my hurting heart. I’m learning how to slow down, take each thing as it comes. I sit down with a hot cup of coffee and I enjoy every sip. Today I pulled out my journal, something that I have been neglecting as I let life spin out of control.

When I got to Redeemer, I knew I needed to be all here, well I was here. I didn’t want to be, and found myself looking into other universities and what it would take to transfer. God has been gently speaking over me that I need to be all here, because this is where he has me for now. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t need to know. But rather, I just need to slow down.

Being in a new place is hard. University is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I realized how much I love when God pushes us out of our comfort zones last night. We were driving to the pet store, so I could get a fish. The music was blaring, there was rain beating on the windshield and I was surrounded by people I love. There was so much laughter in that car, and that’s when it hit be that this is exactly where I need to be.

Oh and by the way, my beta’s name is Finnegan. He’s pretty great.

Slow down. Please just slow down.

Thanks for reading about what’s being going on lately, and what I’m learning.

God is one rad dude, and I just want more of His heart.

Blessings + extra tight bear hugs,

Nat

heart blueprints

It’s been one heck of a week. I’ve cried a lot. And eaten a lot of waffles. My heart is healing, slowly. I attended a women’s bible study on Thursday, I wasn’t going to go because I had a midterm on Friday. I got asked to take pictures (I am on the photography team) So I went.

Worship. I needed to simply just praise My Father, for what he is doing in my life, I needed to humble myself before him. I simply needed to come.

The message was about the what’s in our hearts, the conditions of our hearts. She challenged us to go deep into our hearts. She pulled up an example, where this gal had crafted a blueprint of her heart. Different aspects of her heart praised God in different ways. Used by God in different ways. Anyways, this got me thinking about my own heart blueprint, and God has been speaking a lot to me these past couple of days. As you know, I use my blog as a way of processing what has been going on in my life, it usually goes from journal to blog. Here is my heart blueprint.

Nat’s heart, in the words of Jesus.

I’ve given you a part of your heart like a kitchen. One that you can dance in and praise me well you bake yummy things.

I’ve given you part of your heart that’s like your journal. Word filled, prayers, tears and laughter that has been poured out on those pages.

I’ve given you a part for grief. For tears. Know it’s okay to hurt. I love you more then you will ever be able to understand, and I am shaping you to be more like me. I never promised a life without pain, but rather a life that I would never leave you.

I’ve given you a part that is nothing more then joy. I have given you so much joy, my joy. Laugher. I love when you laugh. I have given you that laughter, that joy.

I’ve given you a part like coffee shops. Where you love on people and have heart to hearts. Where you come to find me.

Lastly, I’ve given you home in your heart, because your home is wherever I am. I’ve got this crazy adventure for your life, and Nat? I can’t wait to take you on it. I can’t promise parts won’t hurt. I know there will be tears, There will be questioning. There will be laughter and plenty of joy.

This life is not my own, but rather His.

Thy will be done on earth as in heaven. Come Jesus. Come.

I don’t get what you are doing right now. I really don’t. It hurts. But knowing you are leading gives me an unworldly peace about everything.

Come Jesus come. I’m all in. Whatever you have next, I am all in Jesus.

“Home is where I am”

Blessings + hugs + life chats over good coffee,

Nat