joy soaked words

finding my way

Month: November, 2017

let’s be bold

I met somebody who I’ve followed on instagram for the past two years. We met for breakfast at my favourite coffee shop and we talked life. We talked about our dreams and our fears. The stories we keep hidden and our favourite Instagramers. We talked about the tidbits of wisdom that we have gathered over the years.

I have been at this for two long years now and I feel like I am finally finding my voice. I am finally finding this voice that I feel has been trapped inside of me for so long. Someone I look up to in the blogging world once said to me “keep showing up.” There is something incredibly powerful about those three words. Keep showing up. I want to show up. Everyday. To this blog. To my friends. To my life. I’m human and I know i’ll mess up, I won’t always be present but I’m going to try. I’m going to show up.

She looked at me and said I was bold.

I immediately began to list the reasons I am not bold.

I’m an introvert.

I’m not bold.

I get scared of talking with people.

I’m not bold.

I let those lies wash over me instead of the Father’s voice. I let the world’s voice in instead of Jesus’s voice.

This morning, I was sent a spoken word about being bold. I’ve decided. I’m reclaiming my identity as a daughter of the king. I am reclaiming my identity as one who is loved. I am reclaiming my identity as bold. I am reclaiming my identity as one who is being pursued by the Father.

Being bold is scary. It’s nerve racking and it’s not what culture says to do. You will stand out when you begin to be bold.

But did Jesus ever just blend in with the crowds? Did he ever hide because he was scared of what people might think? He started raising the dead. He started healing the sick. He started the movement, the love movement. People began to believe because Jesus was bold. He loved with passion and he taught with grace.

For me, this blog is a way of being bold. I pour out my heart, the messiness of it all and I press publish. It’s my way of reaching out. Of reaching out to those who need to be met with His Love.

Jesus met me in Mexico. I knew Jesus, but know I know Jesus. He met me there. He looked past the brokenness. Past the shame. And he loved me. He loves me. He changed my life, and he’s ready to change yours. I can’t remember if I ever shared this on my blog, but I did share it on my instagram. It’s something I wrote in Social work class because I couldn’t get it off my mind. Real life.

I call it invited.

He holds out his hand, I stand there broken and shamed. My hands are not clean, to even think about taking his. I know I’ve been seen, my brokenness and despair. He molds me. Holds me. My dirtiness and sin. He looks past that and into my eyes. He removes the chains, the walls I’ve put up. I love you. I love you. I love you. He repeats over and over. It’s all I can do, from running away. To take the chance and grasp his hand. I take the chance, dirty into clean. He doesn’t look at the dirt stained hands, but rather into my tear rained eyes. I love you. He repeats over and over. My whole body is trembling. He is removing the ties. I look into his eyes, I can’t look away. I see the pain he has endured, but also the love he has. And I know. I know that I have been given an invitation. I have been invited.

So here ya go. Jesus is more full of love then anybody that you will ever meet and he is so ready to pour it out all over us.

Thanks for reading, it’s been rad.

Bear hugs + His blessings,

Nat

beginnings

I was in the car with someone the other day, and she brought up how she was reading my blog and it inspired her to write one. Her next words out of her mouth were, I feel like I am invading your privacy, reading your journal or something.

Vulnerable.

That’s why I write this blog. So I can be real. Raw and honest. I have had so many people over the last two years tell me that they read my blog and can relate to what I am going though. I have had people tell me that I have made them cry, I have challenged them and I have inspired them.

I write this blog for my own heart too. I keep a journal, but there is something real about pressing publish on something that you are struggling with. It’s realizing that you are not the only one going through that.

These past two years that I have kept a blog have been challenging, but also there as so much growth. Like a crazy amount. These past two years, I graduated high school on the honours list. Something I didn’t think was possible for me. I applied and went to YWAM. I found God like I had never before. I began to learn what relationship meant between me and God. I started university. I survived a breakup that tore my heart in two. I changed my major 4 times. Minor 5 times. I realized how much I love words, writing. I am now an english major with huge dreams for the future. God sized dreams. These past two years have changed me. They have challenged me. They have grown me.

This morning in church, the pastor said something along the lines of, you need to see how ugly your sin is, before you can see how beautiful God is.

How freaking powerful is that?

You need to see how ugly your sin is, before you can see how beautiful God is.

Our culture today hides the brokenness. They hide the sin. They hide the real and raw that needs to be so present. This is why I keep this blog. This is why I am real. This is why I am raw. You know? Sometimes it hurts to write out, pour out my heart onto this keyboard. But I am going to keep doing it. I want to see people’s hearts changed by his love. This is just the beginning.

This is why I am vulnerable. When people open their hearts, God begins to move in powerful ways.

So ya. It’s been a blessed two years and how many months that I have had this blog.

Looking forward to what he has in store next,

Hugs + his sweet blessings,

Nat

where are my Jesus goggles again?

I love that when I sign into this account, there is a button that says write. That to me gives me freedom to write what’s been on my heart. What’s been filling my mind instead of psychology and religion. To get it out. Then I press publish. For all the world to see. Or I guess who ever clicks on my blog, joy soaked words.

I haven’t really updated my readers on life. What is going on. The crazy that has erupted. I am weeks deep in readings, I have one more midterm standing between me and exams, and my soul is weary. I want to take the time for Jesus, to soak in his presence, but I catch myself getting busy with the worldly things before I take time for the Godly things. Papers? Worldly. Midterms? Worldly. How many times I change my outfit in the morning? Worldly. But taking time to sit with Jesus, in his presence, that’s Godly. It’s life changing. Life altering.

I talk about finding a Godly husband one day, one who loves the Lord more then anything in the world. But I can’t even call myself someone who would make a Godly wife if I am not taking the time to spend with him.

The world crowds my view. It yells at me that I need to lose weight. I need an A on that project. It yells that I will never find a Godly husband. It yells that I will never date again. It yells lies. Over and over and over again. Sometimes I let my guard down and I listen.

When I listen, it reminds me how much I need Jesus.

It reminds me how much I need Jesus.

The world reminds me how much I need Jesus.

The father has been showing me how easy I let the world define who I am. He has been showing me how he is still in the world.

He is still in the world.

He is still in the pain. He is still in the broken. He is still in the world.

I’ve talked about this before, but again I need my Jesus goggles and now I need my Jesus earphones.

So that I may only see him. Hear him. When everything else is crashing down around me, his peace settles my anxious heart.

I realized that I never really updated you on everything. So yeah. I am now an english major, mission and ministry minor. I have this passion burning in my heart about reaching out. I am loving it here. I have met these incredible girls, heart mates as I call them. Encouragers. Lovers. Jesus followers. They are passionate and they inspire me to do the same.

I will not let the world define who I am.

The father defines me.

His love. Joy. Grace.

Hugs + bear hugs always,

Nat

essence of Jesus

When you spray a perfume and walk away, the sweet smelling notes lace the air where you once stood. When you take out chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, the smell wafts enough to bring everybody to the kitchen. Flowery notes from yummy smelling shampoos and the way laundry smells after you pull it from the dryer.

These are all essences.

What about the essence of Jesus?

What does he smell like?

I don’t think I can quite literally tell you what Jesus smells like. While he was on earth, maybe a little sweaty because I don’t think deodorant was invented back then, but that’s another story for another day. But I can tell you what his essence is to me.

His essence, is the way people seem to shine after they finally realize that they need Jesus. It’s what comes when you humble yourself in front of him, broken, he makes you whole. Broken, he makes you whole. It’s when you can see Jesus in the way that people love. I’ve seen strangers on the street who love like Jesus, they carry his essence and I don’t even know them. I see his essence in my own mother’s hands. Those hands that have loved me, carried me, washed me and taught me. I see his essence in my dad’s eyes. The grace and love that fill up those spaces, animist all the twinkles. I see his essence in the deep belly laughter that comes bubbling out no matter how hard you try. I see his essence in the mundane everyday. I see his essence blowing like the wind, it’s always around me.

I want to carry his essence. I want to be a kingdom builder here on earth. I want to love. Be the kind of love that only comes from Him. But before I can do any of this, I first have to come back to the Father. His love for me is greater then anything.

For now, I’ll be shouting at the clouds, thanking him because there is nothing else that can explain his awesomeness in my life. Like seriously though. Jesus.

I am learning.

Growing.

Sometimes I feel as if I can’t express everything I am trying to say. I take that back. I feel like I never can. He is just way to good for me to put his goodness into words.

I’ll be here, sniffing out Jesus.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat

so, hi.

I was gallivanting (this word was recently added to my vocabulary and I really like the sound of it) through Costco the other day with my momma. We were talking about my blog as we chose out massive packages of toilet paper and ate all the samples in sight. As we were talking, I realized that I don’t know who reads this. I go public, every time I press publish, out for the world to read. I don’t know if these words touch people’s hearts, or if I press publish to send it into an empty space. So, because I don’t know who reads this, or if anybody does, and I have run this blog for over a year now, I am going to re introduce myself.

So.

Hi.

My name is Natalie, I often go by Nat. I feel as if I have these words almost in a way suffocating me before I can get them out on paper, hence the reason I write in a blog titled, joy soaked words. I love the feeling of pure joy. The kind of joy you get when the laughter is coming from deep within. The kind of joy when you shout at the clouds with a big smile on your face “JESUS, I KNOW THAT WAS YOU. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT I KNOW IT WAS YOU” The kind of joy that seems to pour out when you get together with friends who know you better then yourself. I love deep heart to hearts when you get real with yourself and others over hot london fogs in a hipster coffee shop. When the tears start pouring down your cheeks from the laughter that follows. I am a diehard bones fan. Seen every episode 3+ times. I LOVE HUGS. Big bear hugs that make everything seem okay for those few moments. Mom hugs are great too. I love and hate mess, all in the same breath. I love that growth can only come out of the messiness. I hate the pain that comes with growth, the very needed pain. I am a plant mom and a fish mom, both are staying alive which is surprising me. I pick up a guitar when I’m upset and a journal when I don’t have the words to say. I realized how in love God is with us, after he got ahold of my life during a YWAM DTS. I love this life I’m living. This is me.

So.

Hi.

It’s really nice to meet you. Wanna grab coffee sometime? I want to hear your stories. I want to hear your heart.

Blessings + bear hugs,

Nat

mom hugs.

Lately my heart has been one full of unthankfulness. I’ve let the world crowd my view, rather the Jesus. When I first started this blog almost two years ago, I wrote a blog on “putting my Jesus goggles on” and how important it is to view the world and others through His eyes rather then mine.

I am going to put together a list of some of the little things that I often miss. Things that are so small, yet here I am so incredibly thankful for them.

  1. The first sip of hot coffee in the morning – I know you all know what this is like, that first sip warms you though and it always tastes the best
  2. That one old sweater you own, that fits you like a warm hug and it’s always there for you.
  3. Hot showers on a freezing cold day. Now, getting out of the shower is another fact.
  4. When strangers smile at you.
  5. The joy that seeing friends brings you.
  6. Your bed after a long day.
  7. Your bed in general.
  8. Bear hugs.
  9. Sweet sweet prayers.
  10. Your favourite pair of shoes. Mine are my white high top converse. Not really white anymore and kind of falling apart, but still my favourite.
  11. Roadtrips.
  12. Belting out the lyrics at a red light and then realizing your window was open the entire time. This always makes me laugh, more out of embarrassment than anything. I’m thankful for this one because it humbles me.
  13. Quiet libraries and the smell of old books.
  14. Hot chocolate with whipped cream.
  15. Your favourite shirt. Mine is falling apart i’ve worn it so often, and I haven’t even able to find a replacement.
  16. Coming home.
  17. Mom hugs.

I am going to sift through all my old blog posts and see if I can find the one where I wrote on Jesus goggles. I don’t know if you needed this reminder as much as I did, but I am beginning to see things with a different perspective.

I pray you walk into this weekend with a thankful heart and a hot cup of coffee in your hand.

Hugs + blessings

Nat