by joy soaked words
365 days. One year. I cried in the airport. Hugged my family goodbye. Smiled at the cute border patrols. Broke the strap of my purse. Sat and waited. Walked onto the plane, and flew away from the only home I had ever known. 5 months. That’s what I had agreed to. I thought I would give 5 months and seek God more than I ever had. I wanted to find him. And find him I did. I thought that those 5 months would be all I needed. I was wrong. I didn’t realize that those 5 months would start a life long journey, because once you find God, it doesn’t stop. Rather, it sparks a flame in you that just wants to know more and more. I don’t get tired of Him.
This life I’ve been chosen for is golden.
It is full of joy.
There’s heartbreak and searching.
The color yellow.
It’s not perfect and I know it never will be.
But this life is golden.
I recently lost one of my favorite gold hoop earrings, they were a birthday gift a few years back and I almost felt sick due to the fact that I had lost it. I lost it while being pulled around on the four-wheeler, on the sled tied to the back. I went back outside, in the freezing cold to see if I could find it. It was a white gold hoop, and I knew that against the snow, I wouldn’t be able to see it. The next day, I borrowed a metal detector, desperate to find it. The Father spoke to me, while I was sifting through snow, and my cheeks stung from being so cold. He whispered out in the cold, “search for me as hard as you are searching for this earring. When you search for me, you will find me. For I am worth more than gold”. I still haven’t found the earring, I’ll look again in the spring, but I know that my worth isn’t found in gold. He is worth more than gold. I know that when I search for him, I find him. That I will never grow bored of Him, he continually blows my mind. So often, I am brought to tears at the mere fact of his timing. I don’t know where he is taking me. I know right now that he has me right where I need to be.
2018 is my year. I sense it. 2017 was growth. 2018 is refinement. I am the gold, being refined in the fire. I don’t plan to make resolutions, because of previous years, I don’t keep them. **gasp** I eat chocolate. More than I probably should. Rather, I’m asking the Father what he has for me next. I don’t know yet. I know that for now, I will continue my studies at redeemer. English and mission and ministry. I will continue to seek him out. I will continue to find him.
I have this deep yearning for adventure. I make anything an adventure, Walmart adventures are some of my favorites. I’ve learned in my almost 20 years of breathing actual air, that following Christ is an adventure. The best kind.
So here I will be. Adventuring. Buying more yellow cardigans. Intentionally seeking out Christ. Drinking really good coffee. Studying. Hopefully finding that lost earring. Learning. Laughing. Not knowing and being okay with that. Making 2018 my year.
Extra tight bear hugs to keep you warm in this weather and his sweet sweet blessings from above,