joy soaked words

finding my way

Month: March, 2018

people of the lilies

People of the lilies

we sway in the wind

covered from head to toe

dressed in the loveliest of fabrics

he blows his breath over us

people of the lilies

the fear leaves when the wind comes

for he dresses us in his love

we are the people of the lilies

I wrote this poem tonight, after God put the title on my heart a few days ago. We are the people of the lilies, he dresses us in his love. Why do we keep fearing the future, fearing love, fearing the new, fearing the old when he tells us not to fear. He tells us not to worry, and yet we still do. We worry because we think we need to worry. We think we need to worry because if we don’t worry, then it won’t happen. I know that’s my life. I know that I worry because I think I need to. Now that I write these words out, I realize how much I am worrying about dumb things that God keeps telling me that he has in control.

“Nat, stop worrying, I have it all in control. stop worrying, and start living. I have given you an adventurous heart, and I don’t want you to lose out on the adventure because you are caught up in worry. Fear. Doubt. These rob you of your joy.”

I know that God is control. I know that God is in control, and my heart still wanders. My heart still worries. My heart still fears.

I also know that I am a people of the lilies. I know that he crafted me. I know that he chose me. I know that he loves me. More then I will ever be able to understand. I know that he dressed each and every lily. With such grace and beauty, and he dresses us the same. I know that I carry the power of God within me.

When I write, I get real. I get vulnerable, and I open my heart. Sometimes it really hurts to get it out on paper. It’s usually humbling. No, it’s always humbling. It’s humbling because I come before my creator, broken. He takes the mess. The dirtiness. And he makes it beautiful. Just like he blew life into the mud to make Adam, he blows life into our mess.

I am in the middle of a worship session.

I know I need to start carrying around a notebook, but this blog is getting typed into my notes for now.

There is so much peace in my heart.

I know that God has crafted me. Created me for more then what the enemy says I have been created for. I have been created for love. To farther his kingdom. For adventure. For joy. For laughter. For him. For life.

I will never stop praising my father. Never singing his praises, shouting until my voice is gone.

He’s got in all under his hand.

There’s no room for worry under there.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat

jumbled thoughts.

Start somewhere. Pick up the pen and begin writing. Start somewhere, these words echo in my mind. Pick up the pieces of your life that have been scattered. These past couple of months for me have messy, but all the same they have been glorious. I wouldn’t change a thing about these past couple of months, there has been so much growth. I have been able to see more and more glimpses of Jesus. I have cried way more then I would like to admit. There has been some very humbling times, and some very joyful times. Just this time last year, we were finishing up our week and getting ready to go camping in Durango, Mexico. I miss Mexico with my whole heart, but there is nothing better than being right where God has you.

He has given me some new crazy dreams.

God sized dreams.

University has stretched me in way more ways then I would have liked.

Coming into this year, I was comfortable. Then God asked me to be uncomfortable.

Growth is a crazy thing.

Dorm life can be messy. Dorm life is also the best thing ever. There is hardly ever laughter not echoing through the paper thin walls, and I have made some incredible friends. I am so thankful for dorm 7. For each and every one of you. You have made this year one to remember, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing. Each and everyone of you carries a special part in my heart.

Okay.

This blog is more about an update on me.

There has been so much change. So much growth. So many tears. So many mini eggs. So many joy filled times where I start crying because I am so joyful and I don’t know what to do with it.

God has been super faithful, it’s been so cool to watch him move. He keeps putting words on my heart for poems, and for songs. For blogs and for other people. He knows how important words are to me, and he shows his love for me through words.

HOW AWESOME IS OUR GOD.

I realize this blog is a jumble of random thoughts, but I needed to get it out on paper.

Growth is messy, but all in the same growth is glorious.

Allow yourself to grow, because incredible things start to happen when you allow God to move.

I don’t know if you are able to follow my thought pattern, I don’t even think I can. Sometimes I go back and read my old blogs and am totally blown away by God and how good he is.

I wrote this blog instead of writing a paper, I tend to do that a lot.

Oh well.

That paper can wait.

If you made it to the bottom of this blog and haven’t given up, I applaud you.

Thank you for reading, you are a rad person.

Blessings and hugs and joy filled moments,

Nat

let’s get uncomfortable

I am sitting in church in the box, a bible study that has turned into a regular occurrence because somebody said let’s do it.

I’m sitting in church in the box, hearing the words, “I am.”

Christ says “I am.”

Those words stop the enemy in its path. Those words have casted out demons, and set a bush on fire. Those words have been spoken by God. Those words are power. Those words are love. He doesn’t need to say what he is, because he is everything. “I am.”

These past couple of days, I have had such a heart of thankfulness. My heart has been overflowing with how good God is. I locked myself in the bathroom the other night, sat on the counter and started crying. I was crying because God is good. I was feeling so overwhelmed and blessed, that it started leaking out of me.

The pastor is preaching, God’s will be done.

There is so much I want to do in life. But I know I need to take a step back, and ask for his will to be done in my life.

I need to step back. I need to surrender.

I also need to ask myself if I’m ready.

That’s a big prayer. That’s a huge prayer. For him to come in with his will, and for my will to leave.

Am I ready?

I know I’m holding on to things I need to let go of. I’m holding on to the thought of me needing to find a Godly man. I know there’s this fear in me, that if I let that go, that I won’t get married. I know I’m holding on to the idea of a life that has 4 kids, a nice house and a good job. I know I’m holding onto these things, because I’m scared if I let them go, they aren’t going to happen.

My Father reminds me that “I am.” He reminds me that He is.

He reminds that he calls us to an uncomfortable life, so that we won’t ever stop searching him out. He reminds me that sometimes, an uncomfortable life does mean 4 kids, a nice house and a good job. He reminds me that HIS WILL BE DONE.

I don’t know about you, but I want heaven here on earth. I want heaven here on earth.

His will be done.

I know I’m holding on to things I need to let go.

I also know, that I serve a gentle God. I serve a God who doesn’t rip things out of my hands, but rather holds his out so I can place my burdens in his hands.

I know that fear isn’t from Jesus. I know that fear is not from Him. It’s from the enemy, who has no place here.

I don’t know what God has in store.

I’m praying that fear gets lost. That we as a church, we stand up to what we believe in.

I’m praying for a Godly man to enter my life, God willing.

I’m praying for kids. God willing.

I want his will here on earth, in my life.

I’m praying, because I know that Jesus is doing huge things here and I can’t wait to see what he has in store next.

Something that I have began to notice, is that God places these words on my heart in the randomest times. I have began to write poetry doing worship at church, and I wrote this blog during a sermon. He places these words on my heart, and I have to get them out. I think I need to start carrying a notebook around with me, because words are becoming very powerful to me, as I’ve seen Jesus in them.

Huge things are coming. Let’s be bold church. Let’s be bold. Step out. Reach out.

joy filled hugs and sweet sweet blessings,

Nat

created to create

I was sitting in CTS class, watching a TED talk on vulnerability. Power filled words were coming out of the speakers and well it was going on, I was itching to open my laptop and write a blog on it.

I came back to my dorm and over carrots and hummus, I shared my heart with a friend.

Being open takes courage. Courage means to tell the story of being imperfect. I am taking a step into being courageous when I write this blog and press publish. I share what I am going though and sometimes I write with tears pouring out my eyes and crumpled kleenex around me. Sometimes I can’t write fast enough about everything that I am trying to say because the joy of My Father is everywhere. Sometimes I argue with Jesus about even writing on this blog, but everytime he reminds me that I need to be vulnerable and open. I get messages from people, telling me how much this blog encourages them and the way I open up is inspiring. That alone keeps me writing. I write because I know I have a God given gift and why the heck would I want to waste it.

I am imperfect.

You are imperfect.

We are imperfect because of the fall. But we serve a perfect God and that alone is chain breaking.

WE ARE SO IMPERFECT AND THAT IS OKAY.

In the words from the TED talk, vulnerability is the birthplace of joy and creativity.

It is the birthplace of joy and creativity.

I went through some pretty hard things the past year, and I received a sweet note from a friend in the midst of it. “Don’t stop creating.” she ended the note off with. I realize when I write, I am creating. I am creating art. I am creating words that haven’t been published yet. When God first breathed life into Adam, when heaven and earth met, he created humans to create.

WE ARE CREATED TO CREATE.

This gets lost in the words that the world shouts at us, that we need to hide our true selves. I challenge that today. I challenge what the world is saying, with what God is saying.

It needs to be heard. When we numb vulnerability, we numb joy. We numb creativity.

WE ARE ENOUGH.

We are enough because we find our enounghness in Christ. (totally just made that word up)

I challenge you to create, to reclaim your identity in Christ. To be courageous and be okay with not being perfect. To step out into where God is calling you, and where he is taking you next.

He is doing big things here. I feel it. He is creating.

Bless up.

Nat

the old house

Knock:

 

This house I’ve built, it’s crumbling and falling apart

This house I’ve built, I thought I was safe

I reside here, with the bricks falling around me

This house I’ve built, I thought was all I could have

 

There was a knock on the door then Jesus walked in

He takes down the pictures on the walls and packs away the lies

He pulls up the floor boards and removes the shame buried beneath

I found myself grasping at what I could keep from the old house

“Jesus, it hurts” I hear myself saying.

Taking my hands, he took what I was holding on to and pulling me into his arms, he spoke

 

“I love you”

 

I want to live with you, and this house is not fit for a king

He peels off the wallpaper that I’ve tried to hide behind

He begins to tear down the walls that I’ve put up around my heart

I’m making your home a place fit for a king because I love you.

The house that I built, I thought that’s all I could have.

 

Then a knock on the door changed everything.

nl.

 

 

This isn’t going to be a blog post updating my readers on all the rad and mind blowing things that God is doing in my life, even though he is doing some cool stuff. Rather, I wrote this poem during worship today. God just started putting the words on my heart, and I didn’t have paper and pen with me so instead I typed this out on the notes in my phone.

More heart words from this joy filled heart.

Bless ups and hugs,

Nat