In the words of Hannah Brencher, an author, dream chaser and rather quite amazing human and also somebody who I aspire to be like one day says this: “I hope you fall in love with cities, coffee shops, people and good books. I hope you fall in love with your place in the world. People always told me that love was quick and instant but I don’t want to tell you the same thing. You will fall in love with people, cities, jobs, and prospects in an instant, but after that, the hard work of staying in love will remain. Dig in. Learning how to stay in love after the magic seems to wear off.”
I have these words hanging above my desk, as a reminder to fight for what I love. This past year taught me a lot about healing and how crazy good God is. I learned that I am actually rather good at English, and have since made that my major. I learned what it means to be at rock bottom and what it feels like to have joy echoing off the walls.
Timing is a funny thing. I thought that I could fix myself in a day, be okay with what went wrong and move on with my life. I was wrong, and I spent the next 8 months trying to find the little joys in everything I did. I pushed people away when I thought I could do it on my own, but I needed those people in my life more then I realized. I fell more in love with words and the impact that Jesus has had on my life and others around me. 1st year taught me a lot. It taught me how much I hated history and how much I loved the English classes. It taught me that friends from different cultures are so cool and bring so much more depth to your life. It taught me to fight when it was time to fight and to let go when it was time to let go. It taught me how to love again, and live in a dorm with 7 other random girls. It taught me that passive aggressiveness is not the way to deal with unwashed dishes and late night chats are so healing. I fell in love with Hamilton and the beauty that surrounded each and every bit of it. I fell in love with school again. English and words.
There were times where I wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits. I didn’t want to continue on in school when I was struggling to make friends. When I pushed through and didn’t give up was when I realized how much of a beautiful life this is. How freaking blessed I was. I found friends. I guess I should say they found me. We found each other when we needed it most.
I am 3 weeks deep into the summer and already counting the days until I get to go back. I am looking forward to paper writing and late night study crams. Feels a bit weird to type that. I am also really looking forward to this summer. I am a nanny again, so my days are filled with dirty diapers and baby snuggles. Games of tag and daily walks to the park. I absolutely love this life.
This life is golden.
I also wanted to touch on transitions while I have this blog open. I really really really do not like them. Matter of fact, they suck. I don’t like packing my life into boxes and moving from place to place. I am learning that with transitions, you need to have extra grace for the people around you, that it isn’t just you that is affected by the transitions. So, that being said, let’s allow ourselves grace in these times of moving. To be okay with the mess, because nothing can be born without a mess. Good things are coming.
It feels so good to open this blog back up after not writing for a while, to pour out what has been on my mind these past couple of weeks. I will admit that I cried a bit while writing this, but it’s good tears. The kind of tears that you cry when you are so overwhelmed by Jesus and his goodness.
Peace out my dudes, it’s been rad.
Hugs and blessings,