joy soaked words

finding my way

people of the lilies

People of the lilies

we sway in the wind

covered from head to toe

dressed in the loveliest of fabrics

he blows his breath over us

people of the lilies

the fear leaves when the wind comes

for he dresses us in his love

we are the people of the lilies

I wrote this poem tonight, after God put the title on my heart a few days ago. We are the people of the lilies, he dresses us in his love. Why do we keep fearing the future, fearing love, fearing the new, fearing the old when he tells us not to fear. He tells us not to worry, and yet we still do. We worry because we think we need to worry. We think we need to worry because if we don’t worry, then it won’t happen. I know that’s my life. I know that I worry because I think I need to. Now that I write these words out, I realize how much I am worrying about dumb things that God keeps telling me that he has in control.

“Nat, stop worrying, I have it all in control. stop worrying, and start living. I have given you an adventurous heart, and I don’t want you to lose out on the adventure because you are caught up in worry. Fear. Doubt. These rob you of your joy.”

I know that God is control. I know that God is in control, and my heart still wanders. My heart still worries. My heart still fears.

I also know that I am a people of the lilies. I know that he crafted me. I know that he chose me. I know that he loves me. More then I will ever be able to understand. I know that he dressed each and every lily. With such grace and beauty, and he dresses us the same. I know that I carry the power of God within me.

When I write, I get real. I get vulnerable, and I open my heart. Sometimes it really hurts to get it out on paper. It’s usually humbling. No, it’s always humbling. It’s humbling because I come before my creator, broken. He takes the mess. The dirtiness. And he makes it beautiful. Just like he blew life into the mud to make Adam, he blows life into our mess.

I am in the middle of a worship session.

I know I need to start carrying around a notebook, but this blog is getting typed into my notes for now.

There is so much peace in my heart.

I know that God has crafted me. Created me for more then what the enemy says I have been created for. I have been created for love. To farther his kingdom. For adventure. For joy. For laughter. For him. For life.

I will never stop praising my father. Never singing his praises, shouting until my voice is gone.

He’s got in all under his hand.

There’s no room for worry under there.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat

jumbled thoughts.

Start somewhere. Pick up the pen and begin writing. Start somewhere, these words echo in my mind. Pick up the pieces of your life that have been scattered. These past couple of months for me have messy, but all the same they have been glorious. I wouldn’t change a thing about these past couple of months, there has been so much growth. I have been able to see more and more glimpses of Jesus. I have cried way more then I would like to admit. There has been some very humbling times, and some very joyful times. Just this time last year, we were finishing up our week and getting ready to go camping in Durango, Mexico. I miss Mexico with my whole heart, but there is nothing better than being right where God has you.

He has given me some new crazy dreams.

God sized dreams.

University has stretched me in way more ways then I would have liked.

Coming into this year, I was comfortable. Then God asked me to be uncomfortable.

Growth is a crazy thing.

Dorm life can be messy. Dorm life is also the best thing ever. There is hardly ever laughter not echoing through the paper thin walls, and I have made some incredible friends. I am so thankful for dorm 7. For each and every one of you. You have made this year one to remember, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing. Each and everyone of you carries a special part in my heart.

Okay.

This blog is more about an update on me.

There has been so much change. So much growth. So many tears. So many mini eggs. So many joy filled times where I start crying because I am so joyful and I don’t know what to do with it.

God has been super faithful, it’s been so cool to watch him move. He keeps putting words on my heart for poems, and for songs. For blogs and for other people. He knows how important words are to me, and he shows his love for me through words.

HOW AWESOME IS OUR GOD.

I realize this blog is a jumble of random thoughts, but I needed to get it out on paper.

Growth is messy, but all in the same growth is glorious.

Allow yourself to grow, because incredible things start to happen when you allow God to move.

I don’t know if you are able to follow my thought pattern, I don’t even think I can. Sometimes I go back and read my old blogs and am totally blown away by God and how good he is.

I wrote this blog instead of writing a paper, I tend to do that a lot.

Oh well.

That paper can wait.

If you made it to the bottom of this blog and haven’t given up, I applaud you.

Thank you for reading, you are a rad person.

Blessings and hugs and joy filled moments,

Nat

let’s get uncomfortable

I am sitting in church in the box, a bible study that has turned into a regular occurrence because somebody said let’s do it.

I’m sitting in church in the box, hearing the words, “I am.”

Christ says “I am.”

Those words stop the enemy in its path. Those words have casted out demons, and set a bush on fire. Those words have been spoken by God. Those words are power. Those words are love. He doesn’t need to say what he is, because he is everything. “I am.”

These past couple of days, I have had such a heart of thankfulness. My heart has been overflowing with how good God is. I locked myself in the bathroom the other night, sat on the counter and started crying. I was crying because God is good. I was feeling so overwhelmed and blessed, that it started leaking out of me.

The pastor is preaching, God’s will be done.

There is so much I want to do in life. But I know I need to take a step back, and ask for his will to be done in my life.

I need to step back. I need to surrender.

I also need to ask myself if I’m ready.

That’s a big prayer. That’s a huge prayer. For him to come in with his will, and for my will to leave.

Am I ready?

I know I’m holding on to things I need to let go of. I’m holding on to the thought of me needing to find a Godly man. I know there’s this fear in me, that if I let that go, that I won’t get married. I know I’m holding on to the idea of a life that has 4 kids, a nice house and a good job. I know I’m holding onto these things, because I’m scared if I let them go, they aren’t going to happen.

My Father reminds me that “I am.” He reminds me that He is.

He reminds that he calls us to an uncomfortable life, so that we won’t ever stop searching him out. He reminds me that sometimes, an uncomfortable life does mean 4 kids, a nice house and a good job. He reminds me that HIS WILL BE DONE.

I don’t know about you, but I want heaven here on earth. I want heaven here on earth.

His will be done.

I know I’m holding on to things I need to let go.

I also know, that I serve a gentle God. I serve a God who doesn’t rip things out of my hands, but rather holds his out so I can place my burdens in his hands.

I know that fear isn’t from Jesus. I know that fear is not from Him. It’s from the enemy, who has no place here.

I don’t know what God has in store.

I’m praying that fear gets lost. That we as a church, we stand up to what we believe in.

I’m praying for a Godly man to enter my life, God willing.

I’m praying for kids. God willing.

I want his will here on earth, in my life.

I’m praying, because I know that Jesus is doing huge things here and I can’t wait to see what he has in store next.

Something that I have began to notice, is that God places these words on my heart in the randomest times. I have began to write poetry doing worship at church, and I wrote this blog during a sermon. He places these words on my heart, and I have to get them out. I think I need to start carrying a notebook around with me, because words are becoming very powerful to me, as I’ve seen Jesus in them.

Huge things are coming. Let’s be bold church. Let’s be bold. Step out. Reach out.

joy filled hugs and sweet sweet blessings,

Nat

created to create

I was sitting in CTS class, watching a TED talk on vulnerability. Power filled words were coming out of the speakers and well it was going on, I was itching to open my laptop and write a blog on it.

I came back to my dorm and over carrots and hummus, I shared my heart with a friend.

Being open takes courage. Courage means to tell the story of being imperfect. I am taking a step into being courageous when I write this blog and press publish. I share what I am going though and sometimes I write with tears pouring out my eyes and crumpled kleenex around me. Sometimes I can’t write fast enough about everything that I am trying to say because the joy of My Father is everywhere. Sometimes I argue with Jesus about even writing on this blog, but everytime he reminds me that I need to be vulnerable and open. I get messages from people, telling me how much this blog encourages them and the way I open up is inspiring. That alone keeps me writing. I write because I know I have a God given gift and why the heck would I want to waste it.

I am imperfect.

You are imperfect.

We are imperfect because of the fall. But we serve a perfect God and that alone is chain breaking.

WE ARE SO IMPERFECT AND THAT IS OKAY.

In the words from the TED talk, vulnerability is the birthplace of joy and creativity.

It is the birthplace of joy and creativity.

I went through some pretty hard things the past year, and I received a sweet note from a friend in the midst of it. “Don’t stop creating.” she ended the note off with. I realize when I write, I am creating. I am creating art. I am creating words that haven’t been published yet. When God first breathed life into Adam, when heaven and earth met, he created humans to create.

WE ARE CREATED TO CREATE.

This gets lost in the words that the world shouts at us, that we need to hide our true selves. I challenge that today. I challenge what the world is saying, with what God is saying.

It needs to be heard. When we numb vulnerability, we numb joy. We numb creativity.

WE ARE ENOUGH.

We are enough because we find our enounghness in Christ. (totally just made that word up)

I challenge you to create, to reclaim your identity in Christ. To be courageous and be okay with not being perfect. To step out into where God is calling you, and where he is taking you next.

He is doing big things here. I feel it. He is creating.

Bless up.

Nat

the old house

Knock:

 

This house I’ve built, it’s crumbling and falling apart

This house I’ve built, I thought I was safe

I reside here, with the bricks falling around me

This house I’ve built, I thought was all I could have

 

There was a knock on the door then Jesus walked in

He takes down the pictures on the walls and packs away the lies

He pulls up the floor boards and removes the shame buried beneath

I found myself grasping at what I could keep from the old house

“Jesus, it hurts” I hear myself saying.

Taking my hands, he took what I was holding on to and pulling me into his arms, he spoke

 

“I love you”

 

I want to live with you, and this house is not fit for a king

He peels off the wallpaper that I’ve tried to hide behind

He begins to tear down the walls that I’ve put up around my heart

I’m making your home a place fit for a king because I love you.

The house that I built, I thought that’s all I could have.

 

Then a knock on the door changed everything.

nl.

 

 

This isn’t going to be a blog post updating my readers on all the rad and mind blowing things that God is doing in my life, even though he is doing some cool stuff. Rather, I wrote this poem during worship today. God just started putting the words on my heart, and I didn’t have paper and pen with me so instead I typed this out on the notes in my phone.

More heart words from this joy filled heart.

Bless ups and hugs,

Nat

when heaven and earth met.

Jesus is so freaking in love with us, with us. We didn’t have to and we don’t have to do anything to make him love us more, HE JUST DOES.

I was listening to a podcast while I was driving back to school yesterday after a week off. The podcast was about the Father’s heart for us, and his chain breaking love. He began to speak about when heaven and earth touched for the first time. He described the mud that God gently picked up and formed into man. He described the moment when his lips touched the mud, the kiss of life. When heaven and earth met, crazy things began to happen.

He started talking about creation, and the beauty that surrounds us. He spoke of the trinity singing 3-part harmony to the creation, and the creation singing back. The creation singing his glory, because he is good.

We are part of this creation singing back his praises.

I was standing beside a friend singing worship, and she slipped off her shoes. She leans over to me and said: I always take off my shoes before I worship, I feel like I am standing on holy ground. I know that Moses took off his shoes before he fell before the burning bush, as a sign of respect and holiness.

We are standing on holy ground because it was created with words spoken by our Father. Spoken into the darkness, into the emptiness. The vast emptiness. There was nothing there, and then there was everything.

God is good.

I wrote this a couple blogs back, that I wouldn’t stop stating how good God is.

God is good. Am I right or am I right?

He gives us these incredible dreams and passions. He is overwhelmed for love for us.

When I was still in Mexico, one of my teachers as us to pull out a piece of paper and put pen to paper. To begin to write what the Father was saying.

I put pen to paper.

I began to write. 8 pages double sided later, blisters on my hands and cramped muscles, he wasn’t done speaking.

He is still speaking. Always. He keeps on teaching me, showing me how good he is. How faithful he is.

Lately he has been teaching me about my plans vs his plans. How they don’t often line up, but his plans are so much better than mine.

If you would have told grade 3 Natalie, that she would have dreams to write a book, and to study English, she would not have believed you. She had her eyes set on being a nurse.

1st year university Natalie is now studying English, and she has her eyes set on Jesus.

I will keep putting pen to paper. Actually pencil, because I hate writing in pen.

I will keep coming before Christ to remove my shoes and listen to what he is saying.

I will keep reminding my readers and myself, how good God is.

Blessings + hugs,

Nat

mexico + canada nat

The Mexico Nat, was so carefree and daring. She didn’t let the language barrier stop her from reaching out and loving people with all she had. She didn’t let the calories stop her from eating mocha cake and tacos. She went to Mexico thinking she knew God. Then God was like nope you don’t really know me, but let me show you how to know me. Now, she knows God with a passion, passion that doesn’t burn out with each passing day. Mexico Nat missed Canada Nat like heck.

Canada Nat is full of the same kind of passion, but instead of mocha cake and tacos it’s kraft dinner and brownies. It’s late nights in dorm rooms and friends from Africa and the Bahamas. She still pours her heart out in the blog. Canada Nat misses Mexico Nat like heck.

I remember flying to Mexico and wanting to have the pilot turn around because I was so scared. I remember meeting jewel on the plane, and knowing I had made my first friend. I remember not being able to handle the spicy tacos in the beginning and not being able to get enough spice at the end. I remember sweet Jesus and dream filled conversations as we hailed taxis and downed lattes at looney bean.

I wish I could go back. So badly. I want the sun on my face and the sounds of waves crashing to wake up to again. I know I’ll go back again to visit the place where I really began to know God.

I don’t want to live in the past.

The past is so full of sweet sweet memories, and life lessons learned. Growing times. Stretching and often full of tears. God rescued me.

I want to live in the present. I never want to be so caught up in the past that I miss the beautiful things that are always happening around me.

The memories are sweet.

But so is the present.

I wrote this blog posts on the notes on my phone. I don’t have access to my laptop right now, and I didn’t want to forget what I was writing about.

I also don’t usually dedicate my blog posts. Today, I want to dedicate this blog post to a very close friend of mine. Somebody who showed me what it means to not care what people think. Who shaved all her hair off because she always hid behind it. Who laughed non stop and skipped intersession with me to eat Nutella and dream together. Who is so passionate about Mexico that she did her outreach there. I’ve never met someone quite like her, one who loves her city more then anything and was always open for hugs. Maggie, I miss you like heck. I know I’ll see you soon.

Hugs + blessings + His grace,

Nat

love tanks

In the words of C.S Lewis, “I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless he sees that it is good for him to wait.”

Now in the words of a close friend, “He’s not keeping us from something, he’s keeping us for something.”

Those are some powerful words.

The greats started at the bottom. They kept showing up. They messed up. They started over and kept fighting for what they wanted. They kept fighting for what they wanted.

I don’t know why I’ve ended up here. At Redeemer, studying english when all my life I wanted to be a nurse. I’m waiting to see what else God has in store because I know he is heckin excited to share it with me and I am heckin excited as well for him to show me. “He’s keeping me for something.”

Also, I wanted to jump on here and talk about how thankful I am for the kind of friendship that makes your love tank so full. My love tank gets so full sometimes that it spills over into tears because I am just so darn thankful that I have friends like I do. They get my weirdness, and in same I get theirs.

Love tanks are cool. Make sure you let yours fill up.

I know that Jesus is doing some really cool stuff here. What a freaking cool honour that we get the chance to be apart his kingdom mission here. At Redeemer, I can sense his presence everywhere I go, and He is seriously moving on that campus. Woah, Jesus is cool.

I am absolutely loving being at home this week and having the opportunity to rest. There’s something about home that is just so full of rest.

SO.

God is good.

We have established that fact and I will always remind my readers as well as myself that God is good.

He is also good in the waiting. He’s keeping us for something.

Make sure your love tanks are full. Overflowing kind of full.

I don’t know bout you, but I am heckin excited for God to continue to move.

He’s good.

Blessings and hugs,

Nat

good. better.

This life is so beautiful. So full of joy and laughter and Jesus and everything in between. I turn twenty in a couple of weeks, and the fact that I will be halfway to forty makes me a little scared inside but these past twenty years have been incredible. So much growth. Literally too.

I am home for reading break, I packed my bags, dropped my fish off to to have a sleepover with a friend, grabbed my camera and hopped in my car. Planning on reading a stack of books that have nothing to do with my english degree and sitting by the warm fire for hours on end. Resting. It’s been a busy week, and to come home to an actual home as much as I love my dorm and the girls I live with, it’s a huge blessing. I am so glad I only live an hour from home, and I have the opportunity to come home whenever I want to.

Home to me is incredible. Having a place to call home, a family that makes me laugh continuously and friends that live just minutes away. Another special part about home for me, is I have never moved from this little farm in the middle of nowhere. The first time I ever had to move was going to university, and that was more than anything just moving away from my family, friends and the only place I had only called home.

Driving home today, I was reflecting and thinking about this past year and how awesome it has been. I was having kitchen chats – aren’t kitchen chats the best? with a friend the other day and we were talking about how God takes away the good, because he has something better in store.

He takes away the good, because he has something better in store.

I’m so dang in love with Jesus. With this life.

I feel like my entire perspective has changed in the past couple of months.

I have such a heart of gratitude. So dang thankful for everything that has happened and is happening.

If you need me this week, I am planning on curling up with a book, numerous cups of good coffee and snapping some pics. Spending time unplugged and sweet sweet times filled with laughter and friends. This week came at the perfect time, as we are about halfway through second semester and I needed a long break. I’m so content.

This life is beautiful. May I never lose the wonder that I have.

Bless up fellow humans.

Hugs and blessings,

Nat

keep showing up

I have a terrible habit of opening my wordpress instead of writing the paper that are due or studying for my midterms, but I don’t want to forget what I was going to write about.

Yesterday was valentine’s day, and being single I thought it would be harder than it was. I would scroll on instagram and it was all couples, but I am so content right now that I didn’t mind. We ended up baking cupcakes and writing letters, and bringing them to a friend who was feeling pretty overwhelmed with the amount of school that she has to get done. This led to Jesus conversations that lasted over an hour, and we all left feeling very filled up. The super cool thing about my friendship with these two girls, is that it’s more than just friendship. They have become sisters to me, and I am so blessed by their lives. Each one of us prayed for friends in the beginning and then God brought us all together, how rad is that. Anyways, back to what I was trying to say, we were talking about how God is moving here at redeemer and in our own lives. How tired we are of the loop we find ourselves in, trying to find fulfillment in worldly things.

I’ve heard it said before by one of my favorite bloggers, Hannah Brencher.

Keep showing up.

This is so important when it comes to dreams, relationships and ourselves. We need to keep showing up, because if we don’t show up then nothing is going to happen. We need to keep showing up for God to move in our lives, in our cities and in our schools. We need to keep showing up when it comes to our dreams, nothing will ever get accomplished if we don’t keep showing up and chasing after these crazy dreams. The greats didn’t sit in bed all day and watch netflix, but rather they kept showing up.

I challenge you to show up.

Something else that God has laid on my heart is that he needs to prepare the grounds before us, before he can move. He is preparing the grounds for big things. Huge things. God sized things. We have the beautiful opportunity to watch and be apart of what he is doing, like what the heck Jesus you are so good.

What is God calling you to?

What is he asking you to step into?

Where is he taking you?

What are your dreams?

Have you been showing up?

God is good. So beyond good. I don’t know about you, but I want to be apart of what he is doing here on this earth, his kingdom mission.

I challenge you to keep showing up. I know it’s hard. I know it’s exhausting. I know it seems out of reach. I know it may seem impossible. Keep showing up. Be like the greats and keep showing up.

Keep showing up.

Nuff’ said.

I have a couple papers to write, so I’m signing off.

Hugs + blessings,

Nat