joy soaked words

finding my way

Tag: Jesus

gold.

365 days. One year. I cried in the airport. Hugged my family goodbye. Smiled at the cute border patrols. Broke the strap of my purse. Sat and waited. Walked onto the plane, and flew away from the only home I had ever known. 5 months. That’s what I had agreed to. I thought I would give 5 months and seek God more than I ever had. I wanted to find him. And find him I did. I thought that those 5 months would be all I needed. I was wrong. I didn’t realize that those 5 months would start a life long journey, because once you find God, it doesn’t stop. Rather, it sparks a flame in you that just wants to know more and more. I don’t get tired of Him.

Gold.

This life I’ve been chosen for is golden.

It is full of joy.

Sunshine.

There’s heartbreak and searching.

Tears.

The color yellow.

Laughter.

Family.

Arguments.

Adventure.

It’s not perfect and I know it never will be.

But this life is golden.

I recently lost one of my favorite gold hoop earrings, they were a birthday gift a few years back and I almost felt sick due to the fact that I had lost it. I lost it while being pulled around on the four-wheeler, on the sled tied to the back. I went back outside, in the freezing cold to see if I could find it. It was a white gold hoop, and I knew that against the snow, I wouldn’t be able to see it. The next day, I borrowed a metal detector, desperate to find it. The Father spoke to me, while I was sifting through snow, and my cheeks stung from being so cold. He whispered out in the cold, “search for me as hard as you are searching for this earring. When you search for me, you will find me. For I am worth more than gold”. I still haven’t found the earring, I’ll look again in the spring, but I know that my worth isn’t found in gold. He is worth more than gold. I know that when I search for him, I find him. That I will never grow bored of Him, he continually blows my mind. So often, I am brought to tears at the mere fact of his timing. I don’t know where he is taking me. I know right now that he has me right where I need to be.

2018 is my year. I sense it. 2017 was growth. 2018 is refinement. I am the gold, being refined in the fire. I don’t plan to make resolutions, because of previous years, I don’t keep them. **gasp** I eat chocolate. More than I probably should. Rather, I’m asking the Father what he has for me next. I don’t know yet. I know that for now, I will continue my studies at redeemer. English and mission and ministry. I will continue to seek him out. I will continue to find him.

I have this deep yearning for adventure. I make anything an adventure, Walmart adventures are some of my favorites. I’ve learned in my almost 20 years of breathing actual air, that following Christ is an adventure. The best kind.

So here I will be. Adventuring. Buying more yellow cardigans. Intentionally seeking out Christ. Drinking really good coffee. Studying. Hopefully finding that lost earring. Learning. Laughing. Not knowing and being okay with that. Making 2018 my year.

Extra tight bear hugs to keep you warm in this weather and his sweet sweet blessings from above,

Nat

so, hi.

I was gallivanting (this word was recently added to my vocabulary and I really like the sound of it) through Costco the other day with my momma. We were talking about my blog as we chose out massive packages of toilet paper and ate all the samples in sight. As we were talking, I realized that I don’t know who reads this. I go public, every time I press publish, out for the world to read. I don’t know if these words touch people’s hearts, or if I press publish to send it into an empty space. So, because I don’t know who reads this, or if anybody does, and I have run this blog for over a year now, I am going to re introduce myself.

So.

Hi.

My name is Natalie, I often go by Nat. I feel as if I have these words almost in a way suffocating me before I can get them out on paper, hence the reason I write in a blog titled, joy soaked words. I love the feeling of pure joy. The kind of joy you get when the laughter is coming from deep within. The kind of joy when you shout at the clouds with a big smile on your face “JESUS, I KNOW THAT WAS YOU. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT I KNOW IT WAS YOU” The kind of joy that seems to pour out when you get together with friends who know you better then yourself. I love deep heart to hearts when you get real with yourself and others over hot london fogs in a hipster coffee shop. When the tears start pouring down your cheeks from the laughter that follows. I am a diehard bones fan. Seen every episode 3+ times. I LOVE HUGS. Big bear hugs that make everything seem okay for those few moments. Mom hugs are great too. I love and hate mess, all in the same breath. I love that growth can only come out of the messiness. I hate the pain that comes with growth, the very needed pain. I am a plant mom and a fish mom, both are staying alive which is surprising me. I pick up a guitar when I’m upset and a journal when I don’t have the words to say. I realized how in love God is with us, after he got ahold of my life during a YWAM DTS. I love this life I’m living. This is me.

So.

Hi.

It’s really nice to meet you. Wanna grab coffee sometime? I want to hear your stories. I want to hear your heart.

Blessings + bear hugs,

Nat